In Bellevue, WA, just outside of Redmond, Microsoft opened a new Microsoft Store, just three doors down from the pre-existing Apple Store.

In the past, Microsoft Store openings have been lackluster, with only a few hundred people at the opening (photos look crowded because a lot of the people are Microsoft staff), and the crowds dry up after just a few hours when the hoopla has ended.

So when Microsoft opened their new store just a few miles from their HQ, they undoubtedly figured that they had to do something to avoid looking like losers.

The answer? Make it a day-long event so crowds don’t leave too early. First, get Dave Matthews to play live (make sure he plays later in the day so people will hang around). But hmm, that may not be enough. So let’s also give away 4000 free Miley Cyrus concert tickets (which, according to reports, was the real reason most people came). While we’re at it, let’s bring in a DJ and a dance group to entertain people in line, and serve them meals from a food truck. And let’s use the event to give a few million dollars to local schools and non-profits so people from those places will be obligated to show up. And just to be safe, pack the store with 50 employees, trained to act all excited and get people pumped up.

All Apple has to do is open the doors. I’m just saying.