Can anyone explain to me, aside from there being a catchy jingle, why “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer” continues to be such a popular Christmas story? Even as a child, I remember being disturbed by this tale–perhaps it was because I was bullied and excluded quite a bit as a kid, and upon hearing the story, found its message to be shallow and insulting.

A child has a physical deformation, and so is laughed at and excluded by other children. But instead of the other children learning that it’s wrong to ridicule and punish someone for being different, the child is instead left to prove some special utility to the community before he can be accepted. Not even the authority figure, Santa, recognizes the child’s innate value as a living being. Instead, the authority only helps the child because he can get something out of it, while the community only accepts the child because the authority recognized him. The child, starved for love and attention, happily accepts all of this. Yay!

Seriously, if I were Rudolph, I would have told Santa to go screw himself. You don’t teach the other kids how to treat others with respect, and let me wallow in misery until I’m of some practical use to you? Go light your own way, you selfish prick. The Spirit of Christmas, my ass.

Some see the story as anti-bullying, but I cannot see where they get this. The idea lies within the concept that you better watch who you bully, because they might just be an important person one day. I don’t see this in the tale, because we never saw the bullies change their ways. Yes, they eventually accepted Rudolph–but only after he demonstrated utility, and never showed remorse for their past behavior. Their acceptance was entirely conditional. And what if Rudolph had never showed any special value, but was just a normal kid with a deformed nose? The song does not show that he would have been accepted at all–just the reverse. That doesn’t discourage bullying, and sends the completely wrong message. Kids who bully get the message that until someone shows a special value, it’s open season on them. Now, had his nose been of no use whatsoever–like high beams in fog–and yet Santa loved him and convinced the other reindeer to do so as well, admonishing them for making fun of someone for being what they were, that would have been a good story. But as is, the story is a terrible one for children to learn.

It does not surprise me, therefore, that Rudolph, like the current physical portrayal of Santa, is a commercial gimmick thought up by a marketer, in this case one working for Montgomery Ward. He was asked by his supervisor to come up with a story for a coloring book to promote the store. A recent version of the story changes it into a sappy tale of a man crafting a loving story for a four-year-old girl to accept the loss of her mother to cancer–but that version is fictional and has been debunked. Not that it would make the song less terrible.

Seriously, the song ought to be trashed.