This is exactly the kind of post I wish I had thought of. Brilliant. Stroszek at DailyKos says we should make the following concessions in the health care bill:

1. We will not euthanize your grandmother.
2. Rahm Emanuel’s brother will not kill Sarah Palin’s baby.
3. The government will not nationalize hospitals and other health service providers.
4. We will make the health care reform bill available for all Americans to read as soon as possible.
5. We will not subsidize abortions with your hard-earned tax dollars.
6. We will not allow the government to have direct access to your bank account.
7. We will not provide illegal immigrants with unlimited free health care.
8. Private health insurance will not be eliminated.
9. You will not be issued a “National Health Insurance ID.”
10. There will be no super-secret-awesome health care program for ACORN employees.

Stroszek outlines each in detail in his post. I would add that Barack Obama must cease the creation of his enemies list, and Democrats add a provision promising that the Constitution will not be amended to turn the country into a Communist dictatorship. I know that these are not directly related to health care reform, but a lot of the same Americans seem to be worried about these things, so might as well be on the safe side.

This whole concessions idea is so absurdly ironic that I honestly think that Democrats should, in all seriousness, propose such amendments to the actual bill. Since so many right-wingers out there actually seem to believe that these things are true, they might actually be satisfied to see them “taken out” of the bill. And of course, the whole point of the irony is that Democrats would not be giving up a single thing. Republicans, on the other hand, would be not only be put in the ludicrous position of voting on a measure that calls attention to their own insanely paranoid-schizophrenic lies, they would also be robbed of all their favorite talking points, and would have to work hard to come up with all new ones.

This would also probably garner a lot of attention in the press, highlighting the absurd lies which the media currently presents as “one side of the story,” as if they were actually possibly true. Such provisions actually entered into legislation would attract a lot of attention and would be a pretty funny story–something the press would recognize more as “news” than, oh, say, saving the lives of millions of Americans with affordable health care.

Seriously, I think this is brilliant and Democrats in Congress should make it official. I’m not kidding.