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Uncyclopedia

December 27th, 2006

100Px-ThinkertoiletIf you like Wikipedia, you might want to check out its twin, Uncyclopedia. It is a parody of Wiki, and can be pretty entertaining if you happen upon the right article. Naturally, as WikiComedy, its efficacy is much spottier than Wikipedia, and some entries look like they were written by a ten-year-old (and probably were). A few excerpts from better entries:

Japan (lit. land of wind and ghosts) is the nation that is on the other side of the world, if you live in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. If you live in China, it’s quite close. If you live in Japan, just look out of the window. If you live in Japan and do not have a window, you can make a small one by poking your finger through a wall.

God (born Herschel Godstein) is that cool dude wearing white robes and a long beard that you most possibly meet when you die (although it has been unconfirmed because life on heaven is so beautiful everybody who dies doesn’t want to write back). He can be mean sometimes, like in the Bible, but he’s a chill guy most part of his time. He was elected to be our god for the 2006th year running this year, barely beating the Egyptian sun god Ra, Omnipotent Odin, and the Almighty Zeus (still recovering from alcoholism).

Sir Isaac Newton was born Iszaak Nűton in 1621 as a fully formed super-human genius, quoting mathematical formulas and measuring his own velocity as he exited his mother’s womb. Seriously. You think you’re pretty smart because you managed to open that bag of chips without spilling it all over? Isaac Newton was, like, a kabazillion times smarter, though admittedly, he was no Einstein. Nűton was expelled from Hungary to England in his youth for having an overly pronounceable name, and spent his entire life in Engerland to discover the formula “Black Man” + “Basketball” = “White Girl.”

Though sometimes, shades of truth break in while still performing as satire:

Hell is a place made up by the Roman Catholic Church during the 1400s. A fictional place invented to punish beyond death, with exemption for those who obeyed the RCC’s every whim. Before, control was difficult, the most you could threaten being death, which generally occured at or before puberty anyway.

There are also dubious claims that Jerry Springer is the president of Djibouti, dogs are not as stupid as they look, and Ronald Reagan was named after an airport in Washington D.C. As I mentioned, there is a strong crap-to-quality ratio, but if you’re willing to wade through the bad stuff, there is entertainment to be found.

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