Conservative Hero
Want to be a conservative hero? Here’s how: first, get a hidden video camera. Second, choose an organization that is or seems liberal to you, especially one doing good things for people in need–providing medical service, legal counseling, voter registration, job creation etc. Then, create a ludicrous false identity for yourself–you’re a pimp, a child pornographer, a rapist, a sex trafficker, or something like that. And then go into the organization’s offices under your false identity and see if you can create enough footage where you talk to them about seriously ludicrous and unbelievable crap. You might have to go to a whole bunch of different offices until you can get some workable material. Then, when you get back, see how you can edit the video footage and add commentary with the right spin to make it look like the organization was doing something questionable.
Voilà! Instant right-wing champion! Fox News will love you, and your new career as a creative muckraker is born! If you’re lucky, you might win the James O’Keefe Award for Slimeball Hit-and-Run “Journalism.” If you’re really lucky, maybe you will succeed in sliming the liberal organization so successfully that it will have to shut down, leaving thousands or even hundreds of thousands of poor people without medical services, legal representation, voter assistance, or some other service that could help them get a slightly more fair shot at equality and justice. Super hero!
The latest scumbags lining up for a nomination: Live Action, a pro-life group which visited at least a dozen Planned Parenthood offices and apparently found one employee who may have fallen for the scheme–but not before the organization reported a possible sex-trafficking operation to the FBI. Still, several major “liberal media” outlets have fallen for the ploy, reporting it just like Fox News would, as if Planned Parenthood, as an organization, were officially “covering up” a sex trafficking ring. Mission Accomplished!
Mayor Bloomberg ruffled a few feathers doing undercover gun buying at gun shows last month . . .
I couldn’t even watch this thing more than two seconds, which I assume is some guy saying: “Greetings, Planned Parenthood! I am a pimp and this is my prostitute and I have many more prostitutes wearing down their high-heels for me out on the street and I am here to ask you some questions about my ho business and the many, many abortions my underage illegal alien prostitutes must obtain using tax payer monies for free abortions, which goes against Christianity and family values, (despite most customers being married Christian men — what, who said that?), as I am a pimp and this is my business! Please speak clearly into the microphone about my aborting prostitutes!” Typical.
Well, I’m going to be looking for a job next month… hmmm…
I’m wondering if something like this might work in the reverse.
This, I think is Steven Colbert’s schtick – he poses as a moron right winger… but never, ever, ever, breaks character. Lefties love him because he’s funny and he’s making fun of righties. Righties love him because they think he’s one of them. And if you don’t think that’s true, ask how he got to be the speaker at the White House correspondents dinner when Bush was in the White House. Of course, some of them, including Bush, were a little shocked and confused by his performance, but hey, he plays not just a rightie, but a moronic rightie.
Maybe I could pose myself as a right winger, and scamp some right wing organization.
I could, say, go to a right to life group and say that I raped my daughter and now she want’s to get an abortion – how can we stop her from doing it? Then get video footage of right wingers villainizing the daughter.
Well, that doesn’t sound very good, and I don’t have it in me to pull something like that off. Still, if I give it some thought, maybe I’ll come up with something. The real problem is conservatives have no shame.
Jan Brewer was called out for fictionalizing that illegal immigrants were beheading American citizens out in the desert. That didn’t bother her at all. She was called out by a republican from chicago for not finding enough money in the budget to save the lives of people needing transplants in Arizona. She just keeps on truck’in.
No, shame and outrage probably won’t do it. But maybe I’ll think of something.