Yes, another entry on a topic of earth-shattering importance! File this one under “Simple Engineering Designs That Have Gone Underutilized.” In the U.S., the only toenail clippers I could ever find were the classic type. You know, the kind where, when you clipped your toenails, the nail shards would go flying randomly around you as you went about the clipping task. Thus forcing me to associate toenail clipping with sitting outside on the porch in inclement weather because neither I nor my mother before me wanted stray toenail shards turning up stuck to the underside of everyone’s feet for weeks to come.

When I came to Japan, I noticed a design that is so simple that I was astonished that it was not used in America. Simply add a side enclosure to the clipper, and the toenail shards get caught inside the mechanism (so long as you don’t hold it the wrong way so they fall out). After clipping, just empty the clipper into the trash–the side-guard even retracts about a half-inch to help with that.

So, my question is, why hasn’t this caught on in America? Last I checked a few years ago, this design was still rather rare in the U.S., even though one look at it and you’d wonder at how stupid the alternative is and why this hasn’t replaced the classic style. Do the American clipper people just not know about this? Or is it some kind of insidious toenail-shard conspiracy? And (nod to Dave Barry) wouldn’t “Toenail Shards” be a great name for a band?

And while I’m critiquing the design of basic household tools, what the hell is the deal with corkscrews? I mean the type with the brace that fits over the mouth of the wine bottle, and the arms that go up as you wind the screw into the cork. In every design I’ve found of this device, no matter how much you try, after using the arms to pull out the cork, there’s still a good half- to three quarters-inch of cork left in the bottle neck which you must still wrestle with to get out, half the time leaving an amputated stump of cork that has to be fished out. I have to think that there’s some reason for this to be done, else it’s one of the most idiotic engineering screw-ups ever.

I mean, why not just re-engineer the gears on the arms of the device so that the cork is pulled all the way out of the bottle? What’s the matter with that idea? Is there some esoteric wine-opening wisdom that shows wine tastes better if human strength is applied directly to finish the corking process? Or is this some idiotic, elitist “you must be talented to open a bottle of wine” crap? I suspect it’s the latter–after all, the whole idea of corking wine in the first place seems faddish to me; I know that screw-caps are associated with cheapo Ripples or whatever, but surely there has to be a better, more workable solution. And if not, then at least design the corkscrews to make it even passably unfrustrating to open a simple beverage container.