No matter how few people on an airplane lean their seats back, especially way back, it’s always the guy directly in front of me. Particularly galling this time is that the ass has an exit row, so he has all the space in the world to stretch out–but he just has to lean back too, and steal what tiny increment of space I have left.
I wrote the above as I was on the plane, and was feeling fairly frustrated. It really is true, however: on every flight I have taken over the past several years, the person in front of me (always a man, by chance) never fails to lean all the way back right after the initial in-flight meal. I always check around, and see that no more than 20-30% of the people in the area have their seat backs down, so in theory it should happen to me only once every four or five flights. But no, it’s 100% of the time on my Pacific flights–I’ve been keeping track.
You know those “Economy Plus” seats they now charge extra for? Guess where they got the space from? I swear, every time I fly, it seems like the seats are closer and closer together. And while the annual incremental crawl may be imagined, the overall crunch is definitely not. I remember, for example, that it was once possible for the passenger in the window seat to leave without the other passengers getting up; this act is now physically impossible. (Thought: is there any regulation determining the minimum distance airlines can squeeze people into for flights over three or four hours in length? If not, there should be.)
And that wasn’t the only problem I had. The only aisle seat I could get was right next to the galley door–I thought it would be next to the lavatories, but in fact it was farthest from those. Instead, I had flight attendants shoving the food carts against my seat for half the flight, the other half filled with their loud chatting and the bright lights from the galley area–and no matter how often I tried to close the curtain, an attendant would come along moments later and brush the curtain aside.
At least the guy sitting next to me was not a large, sweaty, or talkative guy, nor was he an armrest hog, but he apparently had bladder problems. To get seated again, it took some gymnastics to get everything back in place: discover where your seat belts snaked off to, reach down with your hands to retrieve stuff from your bag on the floor (again, you used to be able to bend down forward), put the seat tray up, set up the laptop or whatever else you were doing–a real study in what the human body can accomplish while crammed into a very confined space (a study in resentment when your already tiny space is cut in half by the ass in front of you with all the space in the world).
Once, I got some water to take Ibuprofen to help with the back pain the seat was causing. Then, of course, because of the confined space, right after I popped the pills in my mouth, my hand caught on something and the cup full of cold water spilled all over. It was then that I discovered that airplane seats are anti-absorbent, and gravity caused a good deal of that water to run straight for my crotch.
So, while freezing cold water was slowly gathering in my nether region, I had to do five things at once in that tiny space: yell to the attendants for towels, try not to elbow or spray the guy next to me, try to levitate in my seat–and nothing was really possible until I got my laptop put away and the tray table up, but I couldn’t do that until I got towels from the attendants to dry off the keyboard–all of this while I held on to a cup which still had enough water to make things worse, and my mouth had unswallowed Ibuprofen.
After I finally got up and had to apply towels to my crotch in front of a hundred or so people, the flight attendant helpfully (a) offered to change my seat cushion, which, having directed all of the moisture to my pants was not the least bit wet, and (b) stepped on my stocking foot with her heel.
While that was the highlight of the flight, the rest was not really all that much better.
It takes a lot to make a three-week trip back home not worth it. Flying economy comes pretty damned close.